Thursday, February 24, 2011

Women are not entitled to dates

Hat tip to the Old Beauchamp Brogan Distinguished Professor of Law. I predict this post at The Frisky will be widely dissected by the Manosphere.

Where to start?

First, I'm generally an advocate of more dating. I think more men should ask more women out, and more women, when asked, should say yes.

And by dating, I don't necessarily mean the typical movie or dinner. Men who know Game have a broader understanding of what constitutes a date. In short, it's any time an unmarried man and woman agree to meet up at a specific time and place for a mutual activity when both sides know of potential for further romantic interest. Movies and dinners are usually terrible dating activities because they're so sedentary.

A man today who is interested in a potential long term relationship has to be casual about a date because a woman who senses any whiff of premature formality will react by thinking it's too much too soon and who does this guy think he is anyway. So a woman shouldn't expect a man to show up with his hair combed neatly and a box of chocolates.

The better course is for a man to leave a woman wondering, and nothing is better for that than strategic ambiguity.

Does it suck to be on the receiving end of that? Probably. I don't care.

And I gotta say, I love it when a woman theorizes that a man doesn't ask her out because he's "intimidated" by her or "afraid" of rejection. Guys, have you ever been intimidated by a woman? Yeah, me neither. But notice how "intimidate" and "afraid" is language that ascribes fault or defect to the man. Women never seem to understand that a man could feel ambivalent about her as a long term prospect or wife material. Or that a guy might be juggling a couple of other girls and that means she's not the top priority. Or he might be busy with work. Or busy with family. Or busy with a grad school application. Or whatever. It's always a fault or defect of the man. Unreal.

Also, women don't realize the second and third order effects of turning down an acceptable guy for a date, even if she's not feeling it. That guy, in his early years, will take longer to ask out the next girl because rejection sucks. No, he's not "afraid" of rejection, but yes, he is trying to avoid it (did I mention it sucks?). So if a guy is slow in asking you out, you can also thank the previous women in his life. (And, no, that doesn't let the guy off the hook for being slow if he's interested. A man has to learn to not give a shit.)

Of course, in his later years once he's learned Game, he won't be fazed by rejection and won't give a shit, and will simply seek out the next girl.

The bottom line is that girls are not entitled to be asked out on dates. Do you think guys are ENTITLED to go out on dates with anyone they ask?


  1. "The bottom line is that girls are not entitled to be asked out on dates. Do you think guys are ENTITLED to go out on dates with anyone they ask?"

    Guys in general? No.

    Me specifically? Yes.

  2. The woman in the Frisky article was bemoaning a lack of formality, rather than a lack of male interest in her as such.

    I can tell that it was written by an American woman rather than a Brit. A British woman would say the exact opposite. She'd complain that her suitors were too formal!

    That she might want to hang out with them but they weren't getting engaged, know what I mean?

  3. Ha, reminds me of this brilliant comparison by comedian Russel Kane of Brit vs. US attitudes (warning, a little explicit.)

  4. @Bhetti: that was awesome. Russel Kane is absolutely right. British women have matrix-level bitch shields.

  5. It's true that men are not "entitled" to go out on dates with anyone they ask...but this is kind of a weak comparison. After all, women may not be entitled to dates, but that doesn't mean that the majority of women will be asked out on many dates by many men throughout the course of her lifetime. I didn't read the article, but from what you've gleaned I can reasonably assume that the woman was talking about, as Workshy Joe said, the lack of formality -- not the lack of interest from men. And, well, truth is that for every guy who won't take a girl out on a date...there are about 500 who will.

  6. @ slutwife

    So which is it? Most women won't get asked out? Or there are 500 men who will ask a girl out for every guy who won't? They're mutually exclusive.

  7. augustine decarthage --

    um, it's the latter. when women complain about "not getting asked out on real dates" they're complaining about the lack of formality -- not the lack of dates.

  8. I'm a girl, and I've never believed men are "intimidated" by women most of the time, either. I don't know--perhaps in a workplace context, an extremely intelligent, domineering woman might be intimidating to both men AND women. But as far as romantic attraction is concerned, it's more likely that the professionally, so-called intimidating woman just isn't very romantically appealing to men for other reasons.