Thursday, February 3, 2011

How the media sees PUAs

Interesting article at today on a DC pick up seminar. There's a lot less snark than I would expect. Here's an example:

"We need daring women,” Kelvin [the PUA organizer] tells the men. “Let's go find them!" “But let's move away from the food court, because there's a lot of security here."

Surprisingly, most of the guys say there are there "to learn how to eventually meet that one special someone." Someone should write about this Game for Marriage concept.

Later on one of the instructors offers some worthy advice:
"Sex is merely the carrot; the whole event is a self-help conference in disguise. The pickup community – they call themselves "the community" for short – has veered away from scripted ruses and “negging,” a concept that teaches men to build attraction by making negative comments about a woman. Now they teach men that they just need the confidence to approach women, coupled with the ability to present how great they already are. And they state over and over: Don’t lie to women. Have a plan, but be yourself.

“Things will happen as long as you have personality, as long as she likes who you are, and as long as you’re not fake,” Speer tells the group. “Most women can see through this bullshit that we try to feed them. So the more bullshit you try to feed, the less successful you are with women.”

I never thought of guess the bra-size game:
"One of Michael Hurst’s favorite pickup moves is the guess-your-bra-size game. But be warned, gentlemen: He says you should always guess one size too high on the cup, and one inch too low on the measurement.

Hurst, the D.C.-based author of Become That Guy, speaks calmly but with a self-assurance that borders on smug. If you want to bed a woman, you’ve got to introduce sexual themes as early as you can, he says. You’ve got to say it with a knowing smile, not too seriously, while exceeding social norms for how long you can hold eye contact. He tells women: Every guy you’ve known since you were 13 has tried to scheme a way into your pants. At least he’s honest about it."

I endorse this Zen-like statement:
“Being bad with women is a symptom,” says James Norton, known professionally as Brother James, one of the founders behind D.C.-based Professional Pickup. “The cause of it is you’re bad with your life, and you’ve got to get your life right.”

On not being shy about approaching women:
"Don’t forget that it is the man’s job to approach women and begin the mating ritual, John Keegan, a lifestyle coach from New York City, tells his group of four. “We’re not bothering them, we’re doing our jobs,” he says. “No one in this world wants anything more than to make a connection. Why shouldn’t it be with us?”


  1. I wouldn't agree with James Norton's statement here:

    "The cause of it is you're bad with your life, and you’ve got to get your life right."

    It sounds like he's trying to conflate morality with mating success.

    I don't see much of a correlation there, I'm afraid.

  2. I didn't read it that way, that he's conflating morality with mating success. The way I read it, he's saying that you gotta have your life together. In order to be perceived as excellent, you ultimately have to be excellent.

  3. Excellence in which area?

    Roissy once quipped that there were female groupies for every field of male endeavour apart from "World of Warcraft".

    I think that's largely true but there are also many undistinguished guys, some with serious personal problems, who are unreasonably attractive to women.

    Game is the only explanation that I can think of when the guy doesn't look like an adonis.

  4. Excellence in any area beside World of Warcraft. Sometimes it's Game, sometimes it's dumb luck, and sometimes, but not often, women are mysterious.

    I think a guy has gotta rely on whatever he's excellent in to give himself confidence, if he's incapable of self-generating irrational confidence (which is preferable).

  5. Augustine,

    I often meet very accomplished men who should be strutting around like peacocks on the basis of what they have already achieved, but they still turn to jelly around cute women.

    That's sad because it really doesn't have to be that way.