Friday, July 23, 2010

"Even Christian girls want men to put the moves on them."

Guys, we humans are incarnated beings. We as men have to interact with women in our fullest senses, not as pure spiritual beings who are nothing but intellects. Don't believe me? Here's a great post by a new blogger I just found. Welcome Aunt Haley of Haley's Halo:

"Even Christian girls want men to put the moves on them."

"I am not advocating that men pressure women for sex, or refuse to take no or other signs of disinterest/discomfort for an answer. But even a Christian woman wants to know that the man she is dating has some sexual interest in her. This is not easy to determine if the man refuses to touch her in any way* or basically acts like there is a 3-foot virginity forcefield surrounding her that will not allow him to get any closer. (*Sidehugs excluded.) If this goes on for long enough, the woman will seriously start to question why the man is even dating her.

The other reason a man should not act like he will become electrocuted should he touch the woman he is dating is that it’s a DLV. It makes the man seem deferential and complacent – maybe even fearful – without even having tested the waters. This is a big tingle-killer. If a man tries to put his hand on the woman’s waist and she pulls away, and he doesn’t try again for the rest of the night, a woman will respect him more than if he never tried at all."

Amen I say to you, in the immortal words of Trent (the character, not the Council), "There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and that you want to party."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Describing Game for Marriage

I wish I had more time and energy to write this post.  In the meantime, I'll link and paste.  The post is well worth reading in its entirety.

Love in the Age of the Pickup Artist: Stendhal Among the Seducers.   By S.G. Belknap

I haven't read any of the referenced source material.  Please chime in on the comments, especially if you have read it.

Hat tips to Tyler Cowen and Susan Walsh:

"Even if the pickup artists have developed the craft of seduction to a degree of refinement not yet seen under the sun, they still cannot claim the erotic arts for themselves. The pleasure and duty of restraint belong just as much to love as they do to mere seduction. And so the proper antidote to the poison of the pickup artists is not a staid, predictable courtship absent of vitality, followed by an equally staid and predictable relationship. The antidote is rather to have the best of both worlds, love and eroticism. In an important sense, “the game” belongs to the lover much more even than it belongs to the pickup artists, because with the lover the game is redeemed and heightened. The lover’s eroticism is always subject to a greater end, an end greater than himself: it is flirtation in the service of commitment, complication in the service of sincerity, playfulness in the service of seriousness.

But remember that love cannot simply be the seduction of someone who happens to be the lover’s beloved: that path leads to paradox and despair, as Julien Sorel was kind enough to show us. Julien’s crucial error was to separate his love from his “technique,” to use eroticism like a tool for the attainment of some unrelated end. And he paid the price: crying in his arms, Mathilde was in love with someone, to be sure—but it wasn’t really Julien. There is only one way out. The lover must combine his passion and his restraint, as much as possible, in the very same moment. In other words, it is not enough that playfulness be taken up in the service of seriousness; the seriousness must always be present alongside the playfulness, bound up with it in a constant synthesis. This means that the lover will have to show his hand every once in a while, even if he is quick to hide it again. And this also means that love will always bring with it some portion of terror. Because his heart is at stake, the lover will feel the terror of losing the beloved, even in the moment she gives herself to him. This is the terror the seducer believes he has bypassed. Maybe he has—but in doing so the chance for love has slipped through his fingers. Because he does not sow, he cannot reap. There is no way around this."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Women are conditioned to believe that better men are always around the corner

I have a theory that women are conditioned to believe that better men are always around the corner.  They believe this because for most of their lives, it's been true.  It starts with girls and boys, when girls hit puberty before boys.  They grow and are usually taller than their male classmates for a year or two.  I think this codes into their brains that their male peers are inadequate.  By 6th grade they're thinking about junior high boys.  In junior high, they're thinking about high school boys.  In high school, they're thinking about college guys.  In college, they're thinking about guys in graduate school. In grad school, they're thinking about the men in the exciting cities they'll be moving to after they graduate.

Notice a trend?

At every step of the way in adulthood, the men who will be coming into a woman's life are more attractive than her existing male peers.  Thus, she has an incentive to not "settle" for a guy she already knows.  It's not a ridiculous strategy.  Each woman only has to land one attractive man.  By the time an attractive woman is in her mid-20s, she's used to getting male attention.

If you're a decent Christian young guy who's having zero luck with the ladies, I'd encourage you to be aware of their mindset so you know what you're up against.

Grow.  Be a Man.  Today.  Study game and practice it in your own life while remaining faithful to God.

The women in your life today are not the only attractive women you'll ever meet.  New ones come along all the time.  All. the. time.  And once you start living game, you'll be surprised at how well you do with them.  Even the ones who passed on you because they believed you to be inadequate will notice the change.  If you care.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Every Man can be Tall, Dark, and Handsome

My buddy, Oscar, came up with this idea.  Tall means being confident.  Dark means being mysterious (i.e. keep her guessing about you, stop self-disclosing, let her wonder).  Handsome means doing the best with what you've been given (i.e., personal hygiene, physical fitness, and at least a minimal attempt at manly dressing).

Try it.  Tell us how it works out.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Why Augustine DeCarthage?

Well, before he was St. Augustine, Doctor of the Church

before he was Bishop of Hippo Regius

before all that, he lived in Carthage.

And he loved the ladies.

No, that's not really a fresco of Augustine. 

Augustine is a great example of how a flawed, sinful human being can become a follower of Christ and a devoted servant of God.  But as I write this blog, I'm more in Carthage mode than Hippo mode.

READ THIS FIRST - Don't bother looking for the Nihil obstat

A Nihil obstat is an "attestation by a church censor that a book contains nothing damaging to faith or morals."

I obviously haven't applied for one and won't be doing so for this blog.  I hope nothing here is damaging to faith or morals, but I'm not so sure.  I advise you to get your spiritual life in order before you begin this journey.  Go to confession.  Get to Mass every week and receive the Eucharist while in a state of grace.  Develop your prayer life.  Maybe even get a spiritual director.  Grow close to God, to God the Father, to Christ His Son, to the Holy Spirit.  Do this before you start reading this blog and especially before you read the other blogs I'll link to, even if it takes you a few months.  This blog will still be here.

I say all this - and I'm serious -  because you'll run into some darkness in game. Sin. Evil. Ugliness.  Pain.  Men get hurt.  Women get hurt.  Even Pick Up Artists get burned out on this stuff.

So why do this?  Because, in moderation and prudence, it works.

What is Game for Marriage?

If you're reading this blog, you probably found it from a Game blog.  Therefore, I'm going to assume you have a basic understanding of PUA Game theory and its concepts and terms.

Pick Up Artists developed Game theory to increase their attractiveness to women for the purpose of sport fucking.  Game works.  Women respond to game.  And not just the skanks.  Women are attracted to dominant men, to strong men.  Women are not attracted to virtuous men because they perceive virtue as weakness.  This is true even of devoutly Christian women.  Christian women are humans, and like all humans are flawed and sinful. While everyone has a pretty good understanding of how sin affects men (e.g., we're all horndogs, we'll hit anything, we're promiscuous and unfaithful, etc.), I don't think we have a very good understanding of how sin affects women sexually.

All this presents a conundrum for the Christian man. If he approaches a Christian woman honorably and respectfully, he'll be blown out because she'll perceive him as a supplicating, low-testosterone eunuch.  It's hard to discern a vocation to marriage and whether she's the one if a guy can't get past a first approach.  If he's not immediately blown out, he'll be put in the Let's Just Be Friends category and will remain an Average Frustrated Chump (AFC).

This blog is intended to teach Christian men how to apply the principles of Game in their dealings with women in an ethical and moral way.  I realize we're trying to square the circle here, but I believe Game has some useful tools that a Christian man can use.  I hope this will become a conversation, and I welcome feedback from men and women, Christian and non-Christian.

This is not a Men's Rights blog or a Men Going Their Own Way blog.  I've read a lot of that material, and while there's a lot of merit in their critiques of marriage and marriage/divorce/family law, this blog is not the forum for that.  It's fine to mention it briefly, but don't hijack comment threads.  Take it elsewhere.  This blog is intended to help Christian men who are seeking Christian women for the covenant and sacrament of marriage.