Thursday, October 21, 2010

Advice for the young woman from Dalrock

Dalrock has a great post up advising young woman on how to find a great guy. While I think ultimately, it's up to Providence, it does seem like a woman can improve her odds. Here's Dalrock:

"For women looking for a husband my advice is simple. Picture the kind of man you want to be attracted to. Picture him in the prime of his power. If you are a young woman who wants to marry a man more your own age, now picture that prime of his power man as he would have been at a younger age. A little less confident and powerful, but with real ability and a basic goodness about him. Now picture the kind of setting the younger version would be most comfortable and dominant in. That setting is where you should look for your husband, and the only kind of setting where you should position yourself to compare different kinds of men."

I'd say that guy is likely to be a lot less confident, not just a little, but asking women to give up confidence is like asking a man to give up on hotness. It's not gonna happen.

I would also encourage women to be a little more open-minded during the initial meeting phase. So you're not crazy about the guy. Get to know him. God might surprise you. Let Him. I'm not suggesting you marry a guy you're not in love with, but I am suggesting you go out on a few dates with him. It's just a damn date. Now I realize this isn't the easiest advice to hear after you've read all the harshness in the manosphere. But it is offered in hope of your happiness.

I hear what you're saying. "Never. Never in a million years." Ok, maybe so. Probably so. But you might be surprised how fast a million years go by. Sometimes it's less than 60 months. And for most guys, once you give them the heave ho, they're not coming back. Ever. Which is usually great. But when it's not great, life is unlikely to be like a romantic comedy, where the guy perseveres through all your ridiculous bullshit to win you over. Yeah, it occasionally happens. But not usually.

Good luck.

1 comment:

  1. "But when it's not great, life is unlikely to be like a romantic comedy, where the guy perseveres through all your ridiculous bullshit to win you over."

    Can't tell you how many women I've met who have this mindset. It's bizarre. They say very solipsistic, narcissistic things like "well I shouldn't have to do anything, he should just pursue me" or "I use the people close to me as my emotional punching bags" or "sometimes I just need to blow off steam on whoever's around."

    They are just putting a big DEFECTIVE GOODS sign on themselves. Then again, part of it is sh**-testing - creating an intentional challenge for the guy, to test if he will stand up to her. Problem is it's usually intensely damaging to relationship, especially if the guy is a sane, well-adjusted person who wonders why this woman is raging at him.

    I think there's also a little projection going on - lots of women will put with nonsense or bad treatment from an attractive guy, so some of them think guys should put with their spoiled attitude.